Retrospective: Paris - How we started

1.3 Francesco De la Cruz - Three steps
Fall 1992, Somewhere in Paris

"You're my pretty doll, cariño."

Diego's voice still echoed in Francesco's mind. This time he knew he didn't dream. The effect of the Heroin had worn off already when his boyfriend came to him. 

"You'll do whatever I ask you to do." 

This was not sweet talk. This was dead serious.
For quite a while Francesco had a feeling something was off with Diego. But he could never tell what it was. After all, Diego was always sweet, charming, and so caring. The same as they had first met in high school. 

Francesco never had too much interest in dating, like other teenagers his age. Sure, he had played around here and there, but his true passion always had been music. He was too busy trying out any instruments available in his school. The grand piano, guitars, drums... even c-flute.

But then he met Diego. And the romance blossomed. He had fallen head over heels for him, and when Diego proposed to go to Paris with him after high school to become a professional musician, he followed without hesitation. After all, there was no chance for a career in music in the small town he lived. As little as the chance to be happy with another man.

Diego had – friends in Paris. They helped him to get jobs that payed incredibly well. And so Francesco didn't hesitate long to take his offer. 

"Why don't you quit that stupid waiter job? You should focus on your music. You cannot make it if you have to decline offers because you have a shift."

Step one to become dependant. 

"Didn't you notice that new friend of yours is weird? She follows you all around. She's a stalker and I'm worried about you." 

"I heard them talking badly about you. They say you'll never make it. But I believe in you. You're so talented, cariño!"
Step two, isolation.

"I use it all the time. It's no problem."
Yes, Diego used all sorts of drugs. But he never lost control. He had a strict schedule. Every Saturday morning a shot, clean Heroin, perfectly dosed. Not more, not less. To Francesco he was much more liberal.
"You feel bad, cariño? This will make you feel better."
"You want more? No problem." 
Diego made him use it as an escape from a reality he didn't like.

Step three, addiction.

Francesco wanted to throw up. And that was not only from the withdrawal symptoms. He craved a relief more than ever before. But the final, concious realization of what had happened, struck him like a sucker punch. He should have taken the warning signals more seriously, but he never had found a real reason to listen to them.
Everything appeared so perfectly normal.
Until that night a few days ago. And Francesco's instinct to survive finally kicked in, and he ran away as soon as he was able to.

He had to get up. Get rid of all the dirt and sickness, and then think of the next steps. He couldn't stay hidden in this abandoned building forever.

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Author's note:

Emotional abuse in a relationship is often hard to detect. The abusers usually start very subtle to manipulate and push the victim's limits, until the victim finds themself in a situation without excape.

The most popular type of emotional abuse might be gaslighting, but there are many more.

If you suspect yourself to be in an abusive relationship, or know of a person who might be, please do not hesitate to look for help.

Here (German) and here (English) you can find more information, and addresses to turn to, but there are many more.